Day 27 - I'm really doing this sobriety and recovery business! Online meetings to medication!

1st March 2018

Hi, it's day 27 of my sobriety and recovery tale. It's pretty cool to be honest - especially after struggling for so long to get off the hamster wheel. My sleep pattern is still all kinds of messed up - but I will take it for what it is. Sometimes you just have to take the positives and know the rest will work out in time. Above all, I'm thankful for my sobriety - the rest does not need to be rushed.

I attended my first online meeting today! Gosh, I was nervous! Before I spoke, my hand's were shaking BAD (don't worry, it was anxiety not alcohol). I explained that I had signed up before but that I was always anxious to attend. I was really proud of myself and as the meeting went on I relaxed - we all pretty much ended up typing for majority of the meeting. I 'left' the meeting feeling REALLY happy, the other participants sounded 'normal', just like me! We all sounded like nice, decent people working to overcome an addiction. Stereotypes are so ingrained, we often think somehow we aren't 'like them', our problem isn't 'that bad'. That's part of the reason for writing this blog also, if you met me you would never know, you would never guess that I was addicted to alcohol. Perhaps I'm foolig myself, but I really don't think you would. Not to float my own boat but I'm 'well put together' (despite my wine belly, haha) and well spoken. Well why wouldn't I be? What taught me any different? Society I guess. I've learnt (and learning) not to judge - you honestly never know the problems the person next to you is going through.

I have halved my dose of Naltrexone and no longer take Valium (to keep 100% honest here, I have a script for 5 tablets for panic attacks however I have not yet filled it). It's a good feeling to be at the stage of tapering off medication a little - there is also a great deal of stigma about medication. In my case, medication is a HUGE help in getting started on the recovery journey. I view it as short term help and I really don't feel weak for taking that option. Nor should anyone who chooses this option on a longer term basis, in my opinion. It takes COURAGE to out yourself to your Dr! I do find it hard when members of forums speak negatively about medication however I just try and accept that's their opinion and I have chosen the best options and path for me. I suppose it only concerns me that people earlier in the journey may feel a sense of shame if they choose to take medication.

I'm going good. I'm thankful for every bit of support I get - it means the world to me. It helps me to keep strong and to feel connected to others. So thank you for reading and following my journey - I appreciate it.

IJCD
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