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I knew what to call my blog immediately - I just can't drink - I know I can't, I've been through the cycle enough times to finally know this. I am up to 'Day 15', but I've been here before. I previously had around 4.5 months of sobriety and then went to moderation - and many of us will know how that goes.
Alcohol withdrawal this time around was particularly painful and I am only just feeling well enough to even consider this blog. As I write this blog, I have that negativity running around in my head, 'what is the point in this?', 'you will be a failure, your are wasting your time'. I'm pushing it aside because even if this blog is just for me - then that will be 'enough'.
I have lost my confidence and cockiness that I can maintain sobriety after such a significant relapse. I am absolutely determined this time not to go backwards. Alcohol brings me nothing but misery, shame and lowered self esteem.
I will keep this first post very short. I'm hoping to connect with other people who are sober and in recovery (or trying to be).