I'm not well and it's an emotional rollercoaster but 3 WEEKS

Hello! Hello, 3 weeks of sobriety - it's nice to see you! I am so incredibly thankful to be at 3 weeks of sobriety, the toughest part is when you WANT to stop but just can't seem to. Or when you go a day or three - but then end up drinking again. That's what I call the 'hamster wheel' stage and it's horrendous. It's so mentally taxing at that stage, having to do so much thinking. If you are there, please have hope you CAN get past it.

I haven't been feeling very well at all really, so I went to the Dr's. I have been sleeping abnormally long, i.e. 1:30am-2am fall asleep, woke at 1:30pm and laid awake an hour. Then fell back asleep till 6:30pm. Then back asleep at 1am and had to drag myself out of bed at 10:30am for the Dr's appointment (otherwise I would have kept sleeping!).

I told the Dr about my late onset sleep, but then marathon sleeping - she agreed that recovery messes up sleep - but even she thought this was a bit beyond recovery sleeping. I told her about my achy joints/generally feeling weak and my headaches. I showed her a photo of my ballooned up bloated stomach. My Dr (she is so lovely) ran some blood tests and also got a sample so I have an appointment on Tuesday to get the results. Otherwise, she suspects it's a virus/bug I'm fighting off. It felt SO GOOD to be validated and know I'm not going bonkers. I was starting to think I was just being a whimp and that I needed to toughen up through recovery a bit but my Dr took one look at me and said 'you really don't look well'. My glands are up and throat looks red apparently.

The good news was I could report to my Dr that I am doing MUCH better mentally and that I am 3 weeks sober! Through discussion with my Dr, I did decide to 'up' my dosage of my anti-depressant/anxiety tablet. I've had more than a few panic attacks and I still experience thoughts I'd rather not (will my heart stop beating? do I have a weak heart? It feels weak. Maybe I'm sleeping because I have low iron. Low iron increases risk of stroke. Oh no, maybe I will have a stroke) - yeh, it's not always fun being in my mind. So I thought it was a good idea - it's not forever - it's at this stage that it's right for me. I'm not ashamed of being on an anti-depressant tablet - I've had (have?) generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety and panic disorder. I work very hard to manage my quirks, but am totally fine with having some help to get my serotonin levels to where they should be. I have heard of so many people (men and women) feeling shame for taking medication. I also take Naltrexone to help me with alcohol cravings - I don't consider it a magic tablet, it's just one tool in a toolbox - it does not do all the work for me.

I managed to plant two plants today - cos lettuce and parsley. I was sitting down working on the third but the pain was quite bad so I stopped. I'm really happy though that I managed to plant at least two - it's a start.

This blog is a bit of a babble today! I'm so happy for 3 weeks. I'm so grateful for my recovery. I currently do not miss wine - I have a picture in my head of a seductive wine witch trying to lure me and con me into giving in. I keep trying to associate her with any thoughts of alcohol. I don't like being told what to do, so this is a good strategy for me (even if it sounds a little loopy).
Here she is, my wine witch!

My stomach is still a little sore as I type this and I'm beginning to feel tired again. My mindset is very positive. Thank you for reading and being on this journey with me - I hope everyone else is travelling well in recovery.

IJCD
x


Comments

  1. Congratulations on 3 weeks sobriety. It does get easier - honestly! One of the things I was hoping for when I quit drinking was for a better sleep pattern. I have been sober now for 233 days and my sleeping pattern still isn't any better. The 'quality' may be a little better, but I still wake up several times during the night.... I'm used to it, but I'd love to sleep like a log (not to your extent of course).

    You may find that your anxiety improves greatly after not drinking. Mine certainly did. My anxiety in front of people got so bad that I couldn't even sign my name.

    I do hope you feel much better soon and if your ailments are down to alcohol withdrawal (in part), then these should ease soon. I'm pleased you've gone to the Doctors though !

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